A regular survey is being taken up by an organization named Blue Zones, they study regions of the world where people live the longest and healthiest lives. What they found is really amazing. In addition to diet and lifestyle practices, longevity is tied to few aspects of community: close relationships with family and friends, association with people who share similar beliefs and healthy social behaviors.
How often do we find ourselves feeling unfulfilled when it comes to establishing healthy relationships. Either we think people don’t understand us enough, or we think we are always on the giving end, or we think people take undue advantage of our humility, whatever the case few instances are actual and justifiable but most of them are imagined and unreasonable.
Let us take a stance of looking closely within us to find the solution. We often expect too much of others when we don’t have a clear sense of their purpose in our lives. We tend to expect every person to be a complete package, giving us everything we need emotionally. This is setting the bar way too high. It is as impossible and as unrealistic to find that person as it is to be that person.
Most often we consider four characteristics that we look for in the people we allow in our lives. Knowingly or unknowingly, we seek and look out for these four kinds of people, some of us may be lucky to have each one of them or some of us may consider finding and building that power circle around us for our mutual growth. Below are these four types of personas:
- Skill: This person is competent to solve our specific problems with their mastery in that particular area. They are an expert or authority in that area. They have the right recommendations based on their knowledge and experience.
- Care: They care about our well-being. They have our best interests at heart. They believe in us. They would go to any length to support us.
- Values: Some people have strong moral compass and unfailing values. We seek help from them when we aren’t sure what we want or believe is right. They have good reputations, strong opinions and down-to-earth advice. They are someone whom we can trust the most.
- Persistence: They are reliable, ever present and ever available when we need them. They have been with us through all the highs and lows.
These four types of characteristics will help us keep in mind what we can and what we can’t expect from them. Even our partner or our closest friend or our parents cannot provide all Skill, Care, Values and Persistence in all ways at all times.
An important part of this loving exchange is to keep in mind what we can offer in terms of these four features to our near and dear ones.
The point here is not to attach labels to people, as doing that may reduce the many hues of life to mere greyscale. Rather, this approach is to look for meaning and absorb what we need to move forward instead of getting stuck in judgment. Hence when we use this filter of four features, we can check if our power circle is big enough to guide us through the complexity and chaos of life.
You build trust with others each time you choose integrity over image, truth over convenience, or honor over personal gain.
John C. Maxwell